damalur: (Default)
no, use my SPACE name! ([personal profile] damalur) wrote2017-01-02 10:37 am
Entry tags:

amnesty: one black caf

When it came down to it, interrogation was merely a job for IT-000. He had no passion for the First Order, but he was good at torturing, liked the work well enough, and was pleased with the benefits. (The First Order didn't provide dental, but, strictly speaking, IT-000 didn't need dental, so it all came out in the wash.) While he appreciated that his coworkers had thought to rescue him from Starkiller Base before it exploded, his own career-minded stance did bring him into direct conflict with the rest of the crew of their little life-raft. That is to say: IT-000 was not a fanatic, and it made him uncomfortable to be surrounded by people who were.

"General," Phasma intoned. There was a brief pause. "Droid," she intoned somewhat more reluctantly. "I have stabilized Kylo Ben--"

"Yes, yes," Hux snapped. "What is our status, Captain?"

There was another, longer pause. "Beep boop beep," IT-000 contributed. They ignored him. Well, that was all right, wasn't it? They'd all had a long and trying day, and all IT-000 wanted to do was go home and kick back with a can of oil and a Wynssa Starflare classic.

"Our crew consists of two troopers."

"Boop!"

"...And the droid," Phasma added. "The ship is badly damaged, General. The hyperdrive is leaking."

Hux closed his eyes; humans often did, IT-000 knew. They also found it oddly excruciating when their eyeballs were plucked from their heads. Of course, he'd never dream of doing something like that to his manager--he'd be fully vested in the pension plan this year, and if Snoke approved merit raises again, he felt his salary increase would be sizable--and removing Hux's eyes would probably count against him on his annual evaluation.

There was some kind of noise coming from the cockpit, IT-000 observed. What was that racket?

"Six," Hux murmured. "Of the entire complement of Starkiller Base, six. And our most precious resource, the most powerful weapon in the First Order's arsenal"--his eyes popped open--"GONE, because of rebel insubordination!"

The noise from the cockpit grew louder. "Sir," said Phasma.

"This will not stand, Captain!" said Hux. "Leader Snoke will see to it that Organa's Resistance pays for what they have done!"

From the cockpit came the recognizable sounds of a song. It made for a rather unusual counterpoint to General Hux's apoplectic fit: "AND IF I HAVER, HEY I KNOW I'M GONNA BE, I'M GONNA BE THE MAN WHO'S HAVERING TO YOU."

"What," snarled Hux, "is that?"

"General, there appears to be--" From Phasma's quarter came hesitation; IT-000 hadn't worked closely with Phasma before, but he knew her by reputation, and this hesitation was certainly unprecedented. (Actually, he'd always had a rather high opinion of her--Kylo Ben seemed to feel she was more than adequate at her job, and IT-000 had an excellent working relationship with Kylo Ben, which made Phasma's current, admittedly poor treatment of him disappointing.)

"There appears to be," said Phasma, "a recording stuck in the ship's sound system."

"A recording," said Hux.

"AND I WOULD WALK FIVE HUNDRED MILES," said the ship.

"Yes, sir," said Phasma.

"AND I WOULD WALK FIVE HUNDRED MORE," said the ship.

"And you say it's stuck," said Hux.

"JUST TO BE THE MAN WHO WALKED A THOUSAND MILES," said the ship.

"Yes, sir," said Phasma.

"TO FALL DOWN AT YOUR DOOR," said the ship.
ishie: (Default)

[personal profile] ishie 2017-01-03 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
is this secretly a HIMYM fic in which Marshall is writing the people who lived a Star War?